Not Alone
by drjamband
Summary: Small spoiler for Into Darkness. Jim experiences perhaps his greatest loss yet and fears he is now alone. Spock is there to comfort him. Spock/Kirk best friendship. Could be pre-slash.


**Hello, all! First Star Trek story. Will probably post this to the Into Darkness category if they ever get around to making one. Reviews appreciated. Enjoy!**

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Jim Kirk was sitting on his bed in his quarters, knees drawn up to his chest as he wrapped his arms around them. His face lay pressed into the crook of one elbow as he cried. He'd lost the only remaining person that really cared about him in both the professional and the personal sense. Admiral Pike was gone. The re-realization of that fact brought on a new wave of tears and sobbing.

A buzz echoed throughout the quarters, and Jim chose to ignore it. He didn't want to see anyone right now, and he especially didn't want anyone to see him like this. The buzzing returned, and Jim turned his head to the side. "Go away!" he shouted childishly.

"Captain, I must insist that you open the door. You have been ensconced in your quarters for 3.7 hours, and I am concerned that some harm has befallen you."

Jim got up and walked towards the door without opening it. "I can take care of myself, Spock."

"I believe the evidence is against you regarding that claim," Spock replied, and Jim could hear the humor in his voice.

Jim sighed and opened the door. He looked utterly disheveled: his plain gray t-shirt hung off his skinny frame, his pajama pants reached almost past his bare feet, his hair was mussed and wild, and his eyes were red and raw. He rubbed the back of his hand across his sticky face as he gestured for Spock to come in. "I am sorry, Jim. I admired Admiral Pike. I am aware you were very close to him."

Jim nodded, sitting back down on the unmade bed. "He was the closest thing to a father I'll ever have. Now he's gone and I'm alone," he said, resuming his crying.

"I understand, Jim," Spock said quietly. "While I understand that grieving is natural and healthy, I can temporarily relieve you of these feelings."

"You mean a meld?"

"Yes. I can enter your mind and take your sadness away for a time."

"No," Jim said immediately. "I don't want that."

"You mean you wish to suffer?"

"No, Spock, Jesus. I mean I don't want to cause you any pain," he replied vehemently before sinking into sobs again. "It hurts so much."

"I understand, Jim," Spock repeated, pulling his captain towards him.

"Spock, stop!" Jim suddenly shouted, jerking back.

"I apologize. Did I do something wrong?"

"If I touch you...you'll feel all of this. I just said I don't want to cause you any pain."

"This will be less severe than the meld. I learned to block out feelings of grief after my mother died. I believe some contact would be of comfort to you." Before Jim could resist Spock pulled Jim into his side, Jim's face coming into contact with the soft skin of his friend's neck.

"I...I..." Jim tried, but his gasping prevented him from saying any more.

Spock recalled that when he allowed himself to become upset in the confines of his bedroom, his mother would hug him and make soft noises in his ear; he tried them with Jim. "Shh," he said, recalling the noises and the soft words easily. "All is well, Jim."

He felt Jim shake his head, nose brushing against his neck. "I'm alone now," he repeated. "And I'm so scared, Spock. Help me to not be," he begged in a whisper.

Spock started a rocking motion like his mother used to do. "You are not alone, Jim. The crew is here for you. I am here for you."

"I don't want the crew to see me like this. Please don't tell anyone."

"I would not think to relate these events to anyone aboard the Enterprise, or to anyone outside it."

Jim smirked at Spock's wordy response. "He was the one who convinced me to join the academy," he said after a pause.

"I had suspected that, but was not entirely aware of the fact."

"Uhura never told you about that night at the bar?"

"She did not."

Jim sniffed and moved his head so it was resting high on Spock's chest near his collarbone. "I was out at this bar intent on getting fucked and fucked up."

"I assume you mean becoming intoxicated and finding a temporary mate."

Jim chuckled. "Yeah. So I try to buy Uhura a drink and she's not interested, then one thing leads to another and I end up in a brawl with three huge dudes. So then I'm sprawled over this table with a bloody face, and that's how Pike finds me. Talks to me about joining the academy and eventually becoming a captain. I kind of blew him off at the time, but it was nice that someone cared enough about my well-being to try to help me out."

"I am glad that he found you. Though, while I am not surprised that you were caught in an altercation, the thought of you hurt causes me discomfort, even if there was no way I could have prevented it seeing as you and I were not acquainted at the time." Jim snorted. "However I would be remiss if I did not correct one of your earlier statements."

"Oh?" Jim replied.

"Indeed. You said, 'I'm alone now.' As I said earlier, you are not alone. I will endeavor to always be there for you. You are my friend, Jim. I do not want you to feel scared. You are a very strong individual, and you will be alright."

"I don't feel strong," he admitted, gripping his friend harder. "I'm angry and ashamed and...and sad," he finished as he let tears drip onto Spock's shirt.

Spock let his fingers grab gently at the hair on the back of Jim's head. "You need rest," he said softly.

"No! Don't leave. Please don't leave."

"I will stay right here," Spock replied, maneuvering them so he was lying on the bed with Jim sprawled over him.

Occasionally Jim would sob and a hiccup would escape him, but eventually he fell into a light sleep, Spock's hand stroking up and down his back.


End file.
